Collective-evolution: When Was The Last Time You Felt Heard?
Psychotherapy clients ask me all the time, “Don’t you get tired of hearing so many people’s sob stories and complaining?” I have yet to feel tired. Sure, some days are long, and being a therapist requires a level of attention that is taxing, but never in my 13 years of working with psychotherapy clients have I ever felt “tired of someone’s experience,” or judged their pain as “annoying complaining.”
So much in the asking of that question is about the inner work of the person asking it. What they really might be saying is, “Am I worthy of being listened to? Do I matter? Do you care about me? Am I too much for you? Am I special?” I am grateful for my own growth in listening, and genuine feelings of care and non judgement for my clients.
Listening with relational presence is an act that helps everyone. I feel liberated from my own ego and find peace, clarity, and belonging when I remember to slow down, softly gaze at another person, let go of all my judgements or ideas about living, and intentionally listen to hear the soul of this person coming through in their words, tone, and body posture. And the other person feels like they matter, like they belong. Polyvagal theory tells us that belonging calms our nerves and supports mental wellness.