The Science Of Loneliness and Connection

There is a lot of research on loneliness, connection, and listening. We lean heavily on current science and we are conducting our own academic impact studies to be agents of change and possibility in this world.

 
4A9A1675.jpg
 

What Is Loneliness?

Loneliness is a state of mind created or made worse by the circumstances of our lives. A person who struggles to feel worthy of love can be surrounded by friends but still feel very lonely.

Researchers define loneliness as perceived social isolation, a feeling of not having the social contacts one would like. Of course, the objectively isolated are much more likely than the average person to feel lonely. But loneliness can also strike those with seemingly ample friends and family.

— Economist, Loneliness Is A Serious Health Problem

There is a positive element to loneliness. Quick hits of lonely feelings nudge us to “get out there and connect”. Humans are herding animals whose bodies and minds develop and then function better in connection with others. Even introverts need some connection.

Why Is Loneliness A Problem?

People who are lonely are sadder, die sooner, and their loneliness impacts the rest of us.

Lonely people:

  • Suffer more from depression, anxiety, addiction, and suicidality.

  • May act on impulsive violence which may be lethal if they have access to weapons.

  • May seek intimacy through sharing a common enemy.  They may ostracize or other a race, class, identity, political party or group of people to feel connected to each other. 

  • Miss more work and are less engaged while they are there.

  • Suffer more physiological health problems that cause them to be sicker and die sooner.

What Makes Us Lonely?

There are two things that make us lonely:

  1. Our beliefs

  2. Our circumstances

If we believe we are unwanted or are unworthy of love, guess what the brain wants to do? It wants to confirm our story by finding evidence that what our mind is telling us is true. Social media, for a brain caught in this loop, is an easy accomplice.

Lots of things happen in our lives that can lead us to develop an inner “lonely self” story. Things like bullying, neglect, abuse, loss of loved ones, trauma, poverty, injustice, and the list goes on.

If you have one or more of these, you are more likely to experience loneliness, according to research and studies:

  • Suffer from poverty

  • Have lower education

  • Live alone

  • Are single

  • Have poor health

  • Have low quality social connections

  • Have a limited social network or low-quality/less intimate connection

  • Have had a sudden change in life circumstance: A move, A divorce, job loss, death of a loved one, etc.

  • Less power and influence over one’s life circumstances

  • Less access to public gathering spaces

  • Live in a culture that values individualism over community 

  • Expectations for friendships and vocation do not line up with reality

  • Increased technology use

  • Taught to be tough and not vulnerable

  • Lack of work/life balance

  • Few close connections at work

  • Have a long term disability

  • Are a migrant

  • Have low self-esteem and a low sense of self-worth

Statistics on Loneliness

The Following Data Is from a 2019 Study Published by Cigna Health:

Loneliness Is Growing

  • 2019 - 61% of Americans Reported Feeling Lonely

  • 2018 - 54% of Americans Reported Feeling Lonely

Age, Race, Gender

  • Younger people are reporting feeling lonelier than older people.

  • 79% US Generation Zers Report Feeling Lonely

  • 71% US Millenials Report Feeling Lonely

  • 50% US Baby Boomers Report Feeling Lonely

  • Non-Caucasian or those who list race as “other” report being the loneliest

  • Men report being lonelier than women

  • Those living in rural areas lonelier than urban/suburban areas

Work

  • Too much or too little work increases one’s reporting of loneliness.

  • Poor co-worker relationships increase loneliness at work.

  • 2x more likely to miss work if you are lonely

How Is Sidewalk Talk Helping Prevent and Heal Loneliness And Its Effects?

We Create Belonging
We create ongoing communities of connectors. Belonging to a Sidewalk Talk Chapter is a great way to protect against loneliness.

We Empower
When people feel empowered and have agency over their lives, they feel less lonely. Sidewalk Talk listeners are taking action, they are giving back, and they are making an impact. 

We Change Perceptions 
By being visible out on public sidewalks, we challenge a lonely person’s faulty logic that one is “all alone” by being the evidence that there are caring people who are available. See our podcast with Marty Cooper on depression.

We Teach Inclusive Intimacy
The Sidewalk Talk listener training is going beyond active listening and truly teaching people how to be intimate, compassionate, and to set aside bias that may have people who are traditionally disenfranchised to feel empowered to share their story. Hear our podcast with Dr. Howard C. Stevenson.

We Impact Workplaces
Offering training inside workplaces where employees can not only learn new ways to be intimate, but they also go out to the sidewalk with a Sidewalk Talk chapter leader to practice including more people from their community creates connection, belonging, empowerment, and engagement. Find out more about our organizational training.

We Are Doing Research
We have such a large pool of global volunteers that come out to the same spots week after week that our listening and connecting can be studied and contribute to how we heal our loneliness challenges cross-culturally. Hear the interview with Dr. Guy Itzacov on listening and our research.

We Support Mental Health
We train our listeners to assess risk and support people struggling with mental illness and refer people to mental health services. Hear our interview with Courtney Smith from SF Suicide Prevention. (need update).